Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
