We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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