I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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