Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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