so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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