I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
