His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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