I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
