don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
