Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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