I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
