All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
