My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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