honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Never let your siblings swipe right.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
