Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
