Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
