OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i already hear my dad disowning me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
