Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
