there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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