hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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