I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
