mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
