I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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