You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
