I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
