$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
