You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
