just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
