I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
