I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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