are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
