my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
