She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
