Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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