what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
