been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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