I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
