Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
