Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Text me some of your sweat
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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