I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
