Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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