How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
