I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
