My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
