dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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