sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
