you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
