Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
