Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
