FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
